A Lost Young Girl

I was diagnosed with Lupus at age 18. I am stubborn to a hilt and refused to let this define me, which means I also really don’t like to talk about it & most certainly do not like when it slows me down. I have spent much of my life trying to prove to myself that I am stronger than this disease. I have grappled with the tug at my heart that I need to share my experiences for months. I do not like feeling vulnerable, nor am I a good writer. But then experiences happen that leave me shaken and only my faith keeps me going & I think gosh I just wish I knew someone who could relate. So I’m going to give this a go & share my experiences in hopes that if even one young girl who gets diagnosed with this terrible disease, she might somehow run across this blog & know she is not alone. I am still fighting 16 years later & she can too. 

See this girl below? From the outside you would never know something was wrong…but inside I was scared, sick, & frustrated. This was my senior prom. I first started having symptoms of Lupus February of my senior year, this picture was taken in May, I did not feel well that day but I just layered on thicker makeup to cover my facial rash and told myself to suck it up. My doctors hadn’t figured out what was wrong at this point and I was so exhausted from not receiving the right treatments or having any relief from my symptoms for months. But you can hide a lot behind a pretty dress and a fake smile…

I was finally diagnosed that July, my doctor just didn’t think Lupus was an option, I was so young…this was 2 weeks before I was scheduled to move 2 hours away from home, my support system for college.  I remember getting the phone call that day. I was laying in bed with a fever, my body aching from head to toe. I had tried to go out earlier in the day with my boyfriend and being in the sun made me feel terrible and landed me in bed feeling like I had the flu. I was home alone. My doctor said I would need to find a rheumatologist and he would send labs over. I said ok. I was 18 and was just told everything about the rest of my life was going to be different in a 60 second phone call…I curled up in a ball and wept. I don’t know that I have shed a tear since that day about my diagnosis. It has caused me tears from pain & some hard decisions I have had to make. I vowed that day though I would never shed another tear over being labeled with the diagnosis. I don’t know if that is right or wrong, but it has kept me moving and fighting. Investing in labels that are anything but what God calls you aren’t worth the time. He calls me HEALED! So that is my backstory.

I will use this blog to share info on things that have gotten me thru the last 16 years. It has been a journey but my faith, family, friends, & fitness have made a huge difference in my ability to fight this.  So if you are a young girl who has just been diagnosed with lupus and think your life is over, this girl below too did for a second, but I promise you it’s not.